This article is also published to Your Tango.
Love doesn’t have to be like a roulette wheel.
Maybe you’ve been having the same old fights with your husband, and it seems to be getting worse lately. You’re tired of it. Your mind wanders to a new relationship. But you can’t stop flipping back to those beautiful moments you had together. You still want to love him. And then you wake up to more frustration…
Should you stay or should you go?
This question is a lot more serious after marriage than before marriage, especially if you’ve had kids together.
Even though divorce is commonplace these days, there will be consequences. You’ll want to know with more certainty before making a move.
Is there an easy way to find out if these fights are temporary, if your differences are something that should be worked through… or is it a waste of time because you two really don’t have what it takes deep down for a lifetime of meaningful relationship?
An objective tool would be helpful
Here are some common sources women rely on for decisions with relationship frustration:
- Gut feel
This is your life. You have to feel comfortable after all. It makes total sense to defer to your feelings.
However, you relied on your gut instincts when you went out on your first date with him, and you relied on your gut instincts when you said yes to his marriage proposal.
Obviously, you’re frustrated with the results now. Is it really prudent to make further decisions in the same arena still relying on your gut?
2. Family and friends
There’s nothing better than a compassionate ear to flush out your ideas, goals, and desires. They know you and you trust them.
Unfortunately, your family and friends often only hear your side of the story. They may tend to steer you toward what they’re familiar with, which may or may not be suitable for you. They’re usually not experienced enough with the spectrum of relationship dynamics to offer you a full picture of what’s possible for you.
3. Professional counsel
Marriage counselors, therapists, and healers are trained exactly for the job, although sometimes their hands are tied. I’ve seen some clients who didn’t get lasting results from them.
These professionals can do wonders to help you create your destiny, as long as you’ve chosen a guy who is within the ballpark of your fate. All the advice in the world won’t make a difference if you’ve chosen a guy who’s not really meant for you.
Marriages are never without bumps. What you need to know first is whether there’s depth to your connection. If there is a real connection, then counseling, therapy, or healing work will get you over the bumps. If there isn’t, no amount of smoothing over bumps can develop a meaningful connection for you.
4. Assessments
Love diagnostic tests are fun. However, when you’re already at this testy stage of relationship decision, they can’t offer much. Chances are that you’ll get a nebulous “maybe yes maybe no” answer whether he’s for you, with little concrete advice.
The difficulty with assessment tests is that their results mostly depend on your subjective perception of the situation. When you’re in an angry mood, your answers will be different than when you’re in an accepting mood.
You’ll be able to make a much better decision when you can get an objective perspective of your persona compared with your husband’s persona.
One objective tool that I’ve seen work well for relationship is Astrology
I’m not a professional astrologer. I’m a relationship healer with a strong background in physics and engineering. I’ve seen enough evidence in my work to consider astrology a helpful tool in conjunction with healing.
The astrology I like to look at for long term relationship happiness is based on fixed birth charts… Nothing to do with changing tides in the cosmos, and absolutely nothing to do with daily Sun sign horoscopes.
At the precise moment you were born, the energies in the sky describe the essence of who you are in intricate detail. They are mapped out in your (birth) natal chart. This is the most fundamental presumption of astrology. Unfortunately, only a handful of scientists accept it, most notably Galileo Galilei and Sir Isaac Newton. Modern scientists otherwise don’t understand it and therefore we have yet to see large-scale research on this ancient discipline.
It may be worth your while to give proper astrology a chance to prove its accuracy to you and to help you resolve your relationship frustration.
How astrology can be used as a compatibility tool
Comparing your natal chart details with your husband’s details provides clues as to why you were attracted to each other, how you two would react in various areas of life, where you are compatible and where you would lock horns.
Astrology is super complex. For love compatibility considerations, all the astrology branches I’ve come across look to Venus and Mars as basics.
Venus and Mars represent feminine and masculine attraction, yin and yang coupling. The couples with “good aspects” between his and her Venus and Mars will enjoy a bond of unspoken love, that creates a foundation stronger than daily superficial arguments. Different “good aspects” speak to different flavors of bonding.
Other planets reveal other nuances as to why two people were attracted together. However, I’ve seen and experienced apparent compatibility based only on other planets that end in disappointment.
For example: Similar Sun signs or Rising signs (aka Ascendant) can spark love at first sight; but when the lust wears off, the relationship has little to hold together. Related Chiron or Saturn aspects can trigger love out of feeling sorry for the other person; after a while you’ll likely feel drained around him rather than uplifted. Similar Vesta or North Node positioning can inspire love from having a common humanitarian goal; however, there may be no cohesion on the home front, therefore the relationship will fade as time goes on.
In a recent closed-door presentation, Vibrational Astrology expert David Cochrane revealed exciting news from his most recent findings on love – one of many topics in his almost half-century of pioneering research in this specialized field. Without giving away his trade secrets, he showed us convincing evidence how the most compatible long-term loving marriages all display a specific signature involving Venus within a particular vibration, especially to do with Mars, Moon and often Sun. He also said that this turns out to be exactly how Vedic Astrologers had done matchmaking in ancient India for thousands of years!
Two of the famous long-term loving couples that Cochrane cited were Paul Newman with Joanne Woodward and Tom Hanks with Rita Wilson. Few couples in the world reach that perfect a match. However, so long as you have a component of that specific signature, you would have enough to go on to enjoy a meaningful lifelong relationship.
Astrology could even tell you things you’re afraid to ask
Astrology has the capacity to reveal the most private things about a person. For example, it could show what you prioritize in your love life, versus your husband.
Contrary to most relationship advice emphasizing the importance of sex, I see in astrology charts that sex is important over the long term only for a segment of the population. An astrology chart will reveal if the person needs sex as a permanent expression. If one does and the other doesn’t in a marriage, you could be looking at infidelity, or strong dissatisfaction going forward.
I’ve seen charts of people who don’t need sex at all, because their inner feminine is already nicely matched up with their inner masculine. They’re very content within. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to get married and live with a companion for fun.
What works for one couple doesn’t always work for another couple. Astrology helps you to celebrate your uniqueness.
Practically speaking
If you’re single and dating, astrology can inform you of the criteria of your perfect or near-perfect mate. Understand that there will be many candidates who fit those criteria. My suggestion is that you date as you normally would using your instincts. When you feel he has potential after a few dates, then you might want to ask for his birth information, to get a glimpse of what your distant future could be like with him.
If you’re married and feeling very frustrated with your husband, but astrology tells you that he’s actually compatible with you, then you may want to seriously consider doing inner work. Good chance he’s simply reflecting back to you a part of yourself that you’re frustrated with. Even if you jump ship to another guy, the same frustration will likely show up again.
As much as they say that life is all about the journey and not the destination, don’t you think that a difficult journey would be easier to take if you know up front that your relationship could be destined for a happy ending? And if you know with some certainty that this relationship isn’t destined for fulfillment, won’t you be more at peace to leave it now regardless of your investment to date?
Astrology could be a tool to save yourself the agony of sleepless nights.